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I'm the type of person who likes to seize opportunities and make the most of every day. Above all else, I value honesty and kindness in a partner, so if you're a genuine person with a lust for life, send me a message! Simple, Funny and To-The-Point. Sarcastic, sophisticated, witty, Billionaire dating sites free, sensitive and free-spirited. Also a fan of adjectives. A wizard in the kitchen. Gordon Ramsey once told me that I was his idol Ok, maybe not, but I'm sure he'd love the flavor of my Online dating profile examples for single moms gnocci.

I've set foot on 5 continents and have a thirst for exploring more. I hope to one day go vacationing on Mars as I've heard the mountains are glorious. Full of random and oftentimes useless information. I will kick your butt at Trivial Pursuit. Intelligent, sweet, down-to-earth and adventurous. Bonus points if you're a little bit quirky. I'm attracted to people who set big goals and put all their effort into pursuing them. Even if your life's dream is to become the world's greatest thumb-wrestler, I totally dig it. As open-minded as I am, I have to draw the line at cigarettes.

I can't stand their smell and don't want to be around smoke all the time. My cat Felix loves to meet new people, but if you're allergic to fur, the two of you probably won't get along. An undeniably awesome couple with amazing chemistry. Let's make the world jealous! Goofy and Sarcastic I tie my own shoes, brush my own hair, and make my own bed During the day, I can be found sitting in an office cubicle, feverishing tapping my phone with hopes of getting a new high score on Candy Crush. I like to spend my evenings watching re-runs of Felecity while sipping on a glass of Chardonnay. I play a mean game of rock-paper-scissors was the national champion for 2 years straightand love the smell of pop tarts in the morning part of a complete breakfast!

On our first date, I'll fly you to Paris on my private jet, where we'll watch Celine Dion perform live in concert. After the show, I'll whisk you away to a private beach resort in St. Tropez, just in time to watch the sun set over the glistening water. Or if that doesn't excite you, we could just grab coffee at the Starbucks on 24 ave. Bonus points if you have over eight years of experience as a forklift operator. Yup, that's right, reading is my biggest hobby Travelling is also a major passion of mine, and I spend a lot of my free-time planning out future adventures.

I would love to travel through South America sometime, especially Argentina. Something about the culture just speaks to me I have an 18 month old german shepherd named Ringo - he unfortunately lost one of his legs in a car accident, but he's still the cutest thing on the planet! I love animals and hope to meet someone who shares this passion. As for the kind of woman I'm looking for She was witty, sparky and cheekily confident. I felt a pang of loss for the personality and promise that I saw peeking through the lines of her profile and wondered how different it would look today.

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I tried to tweak the profile to my current situation, but realized it was hopeless — every aspect of it needed changing. Portraying myself as a party animal would be false advertising, and, unable to shake the image of a disgruntled would-be suitor calling the Better Business Bureau on my defective product, I decided to scrap the old profile and start again. Except, how the hell does a single mom market her brand? Instead of putting my best foot forward, what if I stuck it in my mouth as I so often do and told the undignified, unadorned truth?

So here it is: You mean, you want to hear about me? Not how I relate to a miniature dictator? Where do I start? I have overinflated body confidence. I watched first hand as it performed the types of miracles you see in bad sex shows, except I used a small human in lieu of ping-pong balls. What am I doing with my life? In the second, I not only take a lot of crap, but frequently wear it too. What am I really good at? Advertisement Making a house look tidy in 15 minutes. Or use the bathroom.

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